Coaching 101: Predators in Power

While this is not a pleasant subject, I wanted to address a text I received from a mom here in town asking what I thought about martial arts instructors using their platform to prey on students—both men and women. I wouldn’t say I’m an expert on the subject, but I’ve experienced enough to have at least a bit of an opinion. I did find some things out too late, but knowing what I know now, I can see common patterns. Here’s what I can share on the subject:

As a kid, I thought manipulative and abusive individuals just showed up here and there. In reality, people who seek power and control (often because they feel they have none, have a personality disorder, or because they were bullied themselves) are drawn to environments where they will naturally be trusted and respected. Places where admiration, authority, or influence already exist—and they want it.

They rarely begin by revealing their true nature (I wish I had been smarter about the red flags). Instead, they position themselves in roles that automatically give them credibility, or they enter as students and gradually evolve into them:

~ spiritual leaders

~ martial arts instructors

~ politicians

~ professors

~ coaches

~ cult leaders

~ CEOs

~ leaders of groups where large numbers of people gather

These positions create ready-made environments where trust is expected—almost automatic.

When people admire someone or view them as an authority, they are more likely to ignore red flags or doubt their own instincts.

In many of these environments:

~ People are seeking guidance

~ Authority figures are respected

~ Questioning leadership is frowned upon

~ Personal boundaries can become blurred

For those seeking control, these settings provide access to people who are open, trusting, and sometimes vulnerable. That said, this does not mean everyone in these roles is harmful. In fact, most teachers, coaches, leaders, and bosses operate with high ethics and genuine compassion. But understanding the dynamics of power can help people recognize when authority is being misused.

Healthy Leadership vs. Manipulation

Healthy Leadership:

Encourages questions

Respects personal boundaries

Promotes independence

Empowers others rather than controlling them

Remains transparent and accountable

Manipulative Leadership:

Demands loyalty

Discourages criticism

Creates “special” relationships

Isolates followers

Requires dependence

In the end, many people recognize these patterns too late (guilty). They realize the authority figure they trusted had carefully created a position where questioning them felt wrong. If you’ve ever had an experience like this, you are not alone. Awareness is how we begin protecting ourselves.

Have you ever noticed someone using authority or admiration to manipulate people?