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Life Coach
Narcissistic Recovery Mentor
Author
Serving Las Cruces since 2010
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Coaching 101: 12 Steps to Recovery from Narcissistic Abuse
Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Trauma bonding activates the same reward pathways as addiction Intermittent reinforcement = dopamine spikes Withdrawal from the person feels like withdrawal from a substance It’s not about shame it’s about biology. Letting go Breaking cycles Rebuilding identity The short and simple is to stay away from what broke you but, just like substances, you could crave connection with them, experience dopamine highs and lows, still love the narcissist, and h
Dezi Golden, LMT-CLC
3 days ago1 min read
Dear Dezi: Sexual Identity Deception
Dezi, Thank you again for creating space for that conversation the other night. It’s such a painful and confusing experience—believing you married one person, and then discovering something so different. Being able to sit with other women who truly understand that feeling meant more to me than I can really put into words. I was honestly shocked by how many of us have experienced the same kind of betrayal —thinking we married a heterosexual partner, only to later find out that
Dezi Golden, LMT-CLC
4 days ago4 min read
Soul Victories: Laird Walked Out on Her
It is often said that it can take seventeen and a half years to leave a narcissistic relationship. The strange thing is—it rarely ends in some grand, explosive moment. More often, it happens slowly… or all at once in a quiet instant. Not much said. Just an ending. Laird and Jenny had a rough relationship. It had gone on far too long—nineteen years and two months, to be exact. By the end, Laird didn’t have anything left to stay for. He had pulled every rabbit out of the hat he
Dezi Golden, LMT-CLC
Apr 33 min read
CPTSD: She Left
What Was Taken, What Remains It didn’t begin with love, but with wounds recognizing themselves. She was hunger—soft, enduring, still searching for a mother in every open hand. He was control—shaped by absence, learning early that power feels safer than pain. They met like echoes. She gave more when things fell apart. He took more when she did. A quiet unraveling—money withheld, truth bent, hope stretched thin until it almost disappeared. And when everything broke, he reached
Dezi Golden, LMT-CLC
Apr 11 min read
Coaching 101: When TMS is Felt
When TMS is felt by your healer, massage therapist, reiki practitioner etc…. TMS stands for Tension Myositis Syndrome. TMS is a condition where emotional stress and psychological tension cause physical pain in muscles, tendons, or joints Commonly affects back, neck, shoulders, arms, or hands, but can show up anywhere, including fingers, which can present during reflexology This is something I watch for closely while I’m stretching a clients legs or arms… or especially the fin
Dezi Golden, LMT-CLC
Apr 13 min read
Coaching 101: Narcissistic Financial Abuse
The story of Bruiser and Sally did not begin gently—it began with wounds. He was a covert malignant narcissist. She was a child of neglect who grew into an empath, searching for a kind of love she had never truly known. What Sally longed for most was her mother’s love, and she went out into the world trying to find it. Instead, she kept finding people who reflected that same absence. Bruiser, though she didn’t yet understand it, needed someone to control and diminish. They we
Dezi Golden, LMT-CLC
Apr 14 min read
It Might Not Be You
I sat in that chair believing I was the problem. Too emotional. Too heavy. Too broken to be loved right. That’s what they told me—so I carried it like truth. Until one day he put the pen down. No notes. No distance. Just eyes on mine. “Listen carefully,” he said. “You are one of the mostwell-adjusted women I’ve ever met.” I almost laughed—because how could that be when my life felt like it was falling apart? Then he said it— “Your life would be incredible if you removed the
Dezi Golden, LMT-CLC
Mar 281 min read
Coaching 101: FAWNING
Dear Dezi, I remember you mentioning fawning in one of our group sessions, and I’ve been thinking about it a lot. I notice I do this—especially around my husband. He’s… a bit much, and I find it easier to just not be like him. What I mean is I try to be opposite. He’s extracts so much attention, especially around others. Is that healthy, or should I be making waves? —T.B. in Cruces *** Hey girl, I’m really glad you wrote in. This is such an honest question—and a really impor
Dezi Golden, LMT-CLC
Mar 283 min read
CPTSD: Your Wound
It comes as a “joke,” a quiet little cut— words dressed in laughter that never feel like love. But I see it now: the pattern, the pull, the need for a reaction that was never mine to carry. This was never about my body, never about my worth— only a reflection of something unhealed in you . So I choose stillness. I choose distance. I choose not to shrink to make you comfortable. I am not your wound. I am the healing. And I will not become small again. dg Poems
Dezi Golden, LMT-CLC
Mar 211 min read
Dear Dezi: Family Bullies
Does your relative make comments? Dear Dezi , I wanted to inquire about emails my NPD mother sends me, as well as her weekly texts. I heard you went over this in our SoulCatchers group and I missed that night. I have recently received an email from my mother (who is my size by the way) for an advertisement for Lane Bryant plus size clothing. I am a size 14 and struggle tremendously to workout and lose weight after my second child. I need my mother’s support and encouragement
Dezi Golden, LMT-CLC
Mar 215 min read
CPTSD: Softer Life
Some of us grew up in noise— not just loud rooms, but loud emotions. Chaos was normal. Tension was home. So when life gets quiet…we don’t relax— we look around for what’s about to go wrong. Why does peace feel uncomfortable? Why does calm feel… off? Because a nervous system raised on survival doesn’t recognize safety right away. It expects the storm. It waits for the drop. It confuses stillness with danger. But hear this— Nothing is wrong. That feeling? It’s not failure. It’s
Dezi Golden, LMT-CLC
Mar 181 min read
Coaching 101: Predators in Power
While this is not a pleasant subject , I wanted to address a text I received from a mom here in town asking what I thought about martial arts instructors using their platform to prey on students—both men and women. I wouldn’t say I’m an expert on the subject, but I’ve experienced enough to have at least a bit of an opinion. I did find some things out too late, but knowing what I know now, I can see common patterns. Here’s what I can share on the subject: As a kid, I thought m
Dezi Golden, LMT-CLC
Mar 182 min read
Dear Dezi: Missing Them...But Not
N. Lungry writes in: Dear Dezi, I was once part of your SoulCatchers group in FL. I enjoyed the healing so much and wish you were still here. I wasn't at a place where I had left my partner, but I remember you saying it could feel like a "baby deer walking" when I did. You were so right. I haven't gone back, nor will I. My question is, have you noticed moments where you miss them but don't actually want to go back? How did you handle it? RESPONSE: Hey girl! I’m so happy to he
Dezi Golden, LMT-CLC
Mar 142 min read
Soul Victories: Healing
You'll know you're healing when: Laughing flows more easily Sleeping comes peacefully You decorate your space how YOU want to Decisions come without fear You smile when looking in the mirror These moments are not small. They are the return of your life. On average a breakup takes about 6-7 weeks. Its 3-6 YEARS if the relationship was toxic. (sigh) Dezi-
Dezi Golden, LMT-CLC
Mar 141 min read
Coaching 101: When CALM Feels Wrong
Many of us grew up in emotional chaos and can't understand why we feel "off" or wrong when life is calm. Why is it strangely uncomfortable when life slows down? If this happens to you, you are not alone. When our nervous system has been conditioned from a young age to EXPECT stress, peace can feel unfamiliar. Healing isn't just about changing your thoughts, it's about teaching your body that calm is SAFE. You deserve to feel secure. The next time you notice calm feeling stra
Dezi Golden, LMT-CLC
Mar 141 min read
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