Dear Dezi: Horrible Husband Award #231

This “Worst Husband” award goes to Derrick Goldman of New Jersey.

To the outside world, he appeared calm, wounded, misunderstood — even devoted. Behind closed doors, he waged quiet wars against the woman who loved him most.

He studied manipulation like strategy. He admired The Art of War, and over time it became clear that conflict wasn’t just something he read about — it was something he practiced. Especially against women. He carried deep resentment, fragile pride, and an endless need for control, and those traits shaped the damage he inflicted throughout the relationship.

His plan unfolded slowly and subtly.

He moved in with his pregnant girlfriend and promised they would split the bills equally. He said all the right things. But when rent or mortgage payments came due, there was always an excuse: business was slow, profits were down, a paycheck was delayed, his manager hadn’t paid yet. Always a reason. Never accountability.

Meanwhile, she worked herself into exhaustion.

She cleaned houses. Ran after-school programs. Picked children up from school. Organized summer camps. Helped run his business. Covered responsibilities at home while he sat on the couch talking about future plans and “big opportunities.” On nights when he claimed his back hurt too badly to help, she opened the business carried everything alone. He stayed home watching porn.

When she cried over overdue bills, he held her and promised things would get better.

When she worried about medical care for the children or losing the house, he comforted her while quietly benefiting from her desperation. All the while, he concealed money, hid financial truths, and convinced her that help was just around the corner — military benefits, future payouts, eventual success.

She believed him because she loved him.

As the financial pressure intensified, she fell behind on the mortgage. He watched it happen. He could have stepped in. He could have worked more, spent less, borrowed money, or helped carry the burden she was drowning under. Instead, he let the crisis grow.

Then came another layer of manipulation.

He convinced her that her stress, fear, and constant crying meant she needed therapy — and assured her he would pay for it. Looking back, it felt less like concern and more like strategy: creating a written narrative that she was unstable while he positioned himself as the patient, supportive partner. The therapist saw through it and told her, “Your life would be great if you got rid of him.”

Eventually, with foreclosure looming, he revealed what he really wanted. He admitted he didn’t want to invest in a home tied to her ex-husband. His solution was simple: transfer the house. Sell it to him for a dollar. Put everything in his name. He would “save” the family.

And because she was exhausted, financially cornered, and terrified for the children, she agreed.

That was only the beginning.

Over the course of twenty-two years, the emotional and psychological damage compounded. Another home was lost. Furniture, cars, pets, savings, gardens, memories — all of it slowly became his. Relationships with the children were damaged. Lies replaced truth. Blame replaced accountability.

In the end, he walked away with nearly everything they had built together.

Everything except her spirit.

What he wanted most was complete destruction — for her to believe she was worthless, broken, beyond saving. But he did not win that part.

She left him after learning about his soliciting her to his students and friends without her knowledge. The worst was learning about the sixteen year old. She left and never spoke to him again.

And in leaving, she found freedom. She found peace. She found herself again.

A judge finalized the divorce, but the real victory happened long before the paperwork: she survived someone who spent decades trying to erase her.

She lost houses, possessions, money, and years of her life. But she gained clarity, strength, self-respect, and the chance to begin again. She even found a man that taught her all about her husband's evil, the stolen valor, the inappropriateness with students, others wives and husbands, trips to the Philippines for lady-boys and underage pursuits. She learned more than she wanted to know.

She was finally FREE of true evil.

Her ex may believe he won the war. But walking away with property is not the same thing as winning. After all, he lost her.

And that is why he earns the title: Worst Husband Award.

Do you know someone who deserves a Worst Husband (or wife) Award?

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